One of the greatest human needs, is love and belonging. I would say that at the core of this, is the fundamental comfort of being known and fully accepted once you are known. This belonging goes a bit deeper than having someone or somebodies who your name. (cue the song from Cheers, here)
Instead, to "be known" goes to the core of who you are. The fact that you bring meaning to someone else's life. You know, your presence matters. And you are free to be you.
And while this may sound like “blah blah blah”, if we think about many of what drives our actions… it is belonging or more accurately, avoiding rejection.
Last week I shared about knowing who I am. Being naturally shy (from as long as I have known myself), my longing to be known was a quiet one. It was one that I didn’t fully understand until very recently. I can recall in the past 2 years, singing a song “Finally found where I belong” and it was such a moment for me. Because it was then that I realized or could admit that while I am shy, and generally okay with not being most popular person in any environment, at a deeper level, I still yearned for a place where I was known. You see, the known place, is the place of belonging. It is the place of full acceptance. It is the place of safety and comfort.
Now, I still consider myself blessed because I have had this place amongst my family and sadly, there are many, who don’t even have this there. Or maybe they do but don’t really understand it, as Tyrone shared a bit of his story of hope through the gray areas (links at the end) which he says best describes his relationship of misunderstanding with his father growing up as a teenager.
But why I was crying was because I finally realized that one place of safety and acceptance was in my relationship with God.
You see, all of my life, I had to fight.
Nah, I didn’t have to fight, but I fought anyway. I bought into a lie and I made it my highest goal to do only what I thought was expected, being a “good girl”, never rocking the boat. It was an internal fight to keep up whatever facade I felt was needed to gain approval and acceptance. As I think back, I realize that I went even far as to sometimes dulling myself because I felt, subconsciously, that it would be better to not fully shine if that meant I kept my place of acceptance in whatever atmosphere I was in. I ultimately connected my value with being accepted.
But now it was different. I was learning more about myself and who I was and that I did not need to constantly apologize for who I am. That I could be loved and accepted, even when my opinion differed. That this shy introvert was made for much more than being the wallflower that I have made myself comfortable with. I started learning this about 12 years ago when I was enrolled in my first graduate degree; however, it wasn’t until recently that I fully grabbed it and stopped fighting. My masks started to slowly come off because I found myself in a space, amongst people who challenged me to be me. And get this, when I was me, it was okay. Does this mean I am immune from instances of rejection? no! But it does place me more securely in a position where my actions are not birthed from a place of fear. I also am more able to connect with others more intentionally and intimately.
Like I said, I have a supportive family. So I saw the benefits of “community” within the family system. Now I started to see the benefits of community within the wider social system. For me, this experience has been ongoing for awhile as I am fully involved in my church, Epic Church Bahamas. It is one of my safe spaces where I am challenged, loved and sharpened. I learn more about myself as I share myself, fully.
Once I accepted that I was ACCEPTABLE by God’s standards, and his seal of approval and unconditional love was forever inked on me…then I was free to now allow myself, to be myself.
Selah.
Grace, peace, and love,
r Gia