My philosophical approach in therapy is heavily guided by the tenets of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). When we sit, we talk about symptoms... feelings and behaviors that bring you to counseling but if you stay long enough, we dig deep and look for the unhealthy ways of thinking that feed these feelings and behaviors. It’s not magical but it is tested and proven true. More importantly for me. It’s passed the test of being aligned with Godly principles.
I want you to bring to mind something you wanted a fresh start on. Where have you felt stuck in unhealthy cycles? What is something that you tend to do but have wanted to not do. Withdrawing, being too clingy, choosing the wrong kind of partner, relying too heavily on substances, overeating…
Now, in the spirit of of CBT and the strategy of Goal Setting, in replacement of all that is “wrong”, what would you actually WANT to do. Where is the place that you want to reside?
Now that you have that...some questions. Do you actually *think* you CAN actually do it? Is this goal new? Or something you’ve been thinking about or working toward before? Ultimately, you want your thoughts to be focused on the positives.
In this first week where we are looking more deeply on how to break cycles…the guiding question is
Have you considered… how your thoughts impact your likelihood to achieve the goal you brought to mind?
Consider the following:
Beliefs about yourself
Eg this isn’t my kinda thing (self defeating)
Beliefs about the goal
Eg it’s not that big of a deal or it’s too big of a deal
Others’ rating or opinions of you
Eg. No one actually thinks I can do this anyway
Others’ rating or opinions of your goal
Eg. No one was really excited about the idea. Maybe it’s not actually important (or a good idea).
Ownership: Is this goal something you really want for yourself or did you adopt this with no conviction.
Eg everyone always says I would be good at this or I should do this. If I’m honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it.
Which of those thoughts have you been entertaining and inadvertently keeping you from achieving your goal?
You want to remember, that for a goal to stick, for it to be sustainable, it must belong to you. You must be convicted toward the action or goal. I encourage clients all the time to make decisions based on their values and not the opinions of others. It’s a lesson that I have been learning with every year that passes. When you own it, when you are convinced and convicted, you are better equipped mentally to do the work required to achieve the goal.
In your journal, consider the goal and whether any of these unhealthy or faulty belief patterns may be undermining it. Identify it and then challenge it with truth or replace it. If you find that the goal isn’t truly something you desire, then reconsider what exactly is it that you want. Ultimately, you want to frame in the positive. Not focusing on the deficits but what you will be adding.
For example, if you are tired of the unhealthy way that you abandon something (or relationships) because of a fear of failure/rejection, then you are framing your goal with what you WILL do and not what you won’t do. You want to entertain thoughts that are good, uplifting and empowering.
“So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God,[a] praising him always.” (Philippians 4:8 TPT)
Shalom,
Dr Gia